Snape and the Technicolor Dreamcoat
by Reiyuu Yamaneko
Summary: What happens when Drama Night becomes an event for Hogwarts?Expect bloopers, humor, laughter and watch as Snape stumbles his way through acting.
1. Signing up

Snape and the Technicolor Dreamcoat! Disclaimer: I don't own Professor Snape or any of the Hogwarts characters, they all belong to Warner Brothers or JK Rowling. A/N: This is my first time writing, so it might not be very good, anyway, please review,constructive criticism please!  
  
The setting: Hogwarts students are crowded around a huge bulletin board in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.Date and time are ambiguous.  
  
"Harry! Come look at this,I can't believe it!" Ron said excitedly,pointing at the bulletin board at the same time.On the bulletin board is a poster for sign-ups for a school drama night. Harry came running over,elbowing people as he did, "what?No way!" "First time in Hogwarts history, that's for sure, must be one of- --" Ron started excitedly. "Dumbledore's crackpot ideas,"Fred finished, the twins appeared out of nowhere. "NO WAY!!" Harry and Ron both breathe. "Yes, its definitely happening----"Fred smiled mischievously, "----and we're in it as well."George said in a matter of fact kind of way, " sign up if you like, rehearsals are as stated, first come first serve." "Toodles,"one of the twins said, Fred leaned over to Harry and whispered conspirationally, "there's only one lead character, but if you want a hint- " "----Fred, I thought I said--- " "--Come on, George--- " "Oh fine.Dumbledore's doing auditions, and the person's got to be ---" "- Talented" "--Great at acting" "---Charismatic" "-the works,so tough luck, guys."Fred winked at Harry. Ron watched as they walked away. "Those two," Ron huffed, "As if they know everything, so how, Harry?" Harry looks at the sign-up list for a while, then as if making up his mind, wrote his name down. "What?!You too?"Ron sighed exasperatedly, "Darn, might as well." And wrote his name down as well. 


	2. The Meeting?

Snape and the Technicolor Dreamcoat! Disclaimer: I don't own Professor Snape or any of the Hogwarts characters, they all belong to Warner Brothers or JK Rowling. A/N: Well, I hope you liked the first bit,I'm really not too sure on how this is gonna turn out, so please be patient for the next brainwave!  
  
The setting:In the rehearsal room.  
  
The door creaked as they peeked in.  
  
It was a sort of circular auditorium, really grand, with spectacular chandeliers, and a kind of old-world charm about it.Fascinated, Harry climbed onto the wide stage, with teak wood flooring and multicoloured spotlight.  
  
" Looks like we're here, Harry." Ron said nervously.He looked around, clenching and unclenching his hands. They were the only two in the enormous hall. When Ron's voice echoed spookily in the hall, Ron yelped and hid behind the curtains.  
  
"Yeah..gee, what is all this stuff,looks kinda like gunk," Harry picks up a piece of colorful looking fabric and tries it on, " Do you think these are costumes, Ron?"  
  
"Well, they certainly look like ----" and was cut off by a loud boghorn, and from behind the curtains, popped out----  
  
"GOD, not you two again!"Ron gagged, and clutched the curtains even harder.  
  
"HI everyone---"  
  
"We are----"  
  
"GRED!!!!"Fred shouts at the top of his lungs--  
  
"FOOOOOORGE!!!!" George lets out a savage and almost inhumane scream at this.  
  
"What has that got to do with anything, aye?" Seamus walks into the hall at this point.  
  
"See-mouse! See- mouse!Thank goodness you came"Harry cries out.  
  
"Aye, ah'm Shay-mus Feenagun, ya cheese-eatin' brit,Harra Potta whaddya want?" Seamus Finnigan beams.  
  
"Thank goodness there are people here,"Lavender Brown said as she walked in.  
  
"Yeah, I might have thought that no one would want to act--- "Parvati started  
  
"After what Professor Trelawney said,"Lavender looks at Parvati meaningfully, and they both turn their stares at Harry. "Harry.."Lavender's voice turns a familiar misty tone.  
  
"ARRGHHHH!!Ron see-mouse greddie forggy helpme now pleeezzzzie!!!" Harry yelps and runs away. "AYE!Shay-mus is here to save ya soul!" Seamus shouted and raised his hand to the sky. "yep!so's ronniekins, eh?" Fred winks conspirationally at Ron.  
  
"Hey!"Ron says.  
  
"Go save your soulmate yeah?" George whispers, and points at Harry, who was presently running around the hall away from Lavender who was pronouncing death sentences on Harry.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!!SHUTTUP GRED FROGGIE I SAID SHUTTU----"  
  
"GO AWAY I DON't WANT YOUR LITTLE DIVINATION SESSIONS-"  
  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door,"That will be quite enough." 


	3. yes,the meeting

A/N: Sorry guys, I realised that I made a major mistake when I checked ffn today, and I just had to remove that previous story and make it right.So..major apology, please forgive me. Chapter 3's up!  
  
There was complete silence as the headmaster gravely looked around. Parvati Patil was sitting on top of Harry, and Lavender was in the middle of predicting his death, which was of course rather tragic. Ron was going to hit Fred around the head,with George standing behind him and preparing to hit him with a rubber haddock. Seamus was standing stock-still on the stage, he and Dean Thomas had been yelling for about 15 minutes whether Man U or Liverpool were better soccer team players.  
  
And then Dumbledore came in.Everything was quiet except the mice squeaking around the hall.  
  
"Well now, there is no reason for you to be so quiet, what's wrong with you?"Dumbledore laughed merrily.  
  
"Oh dear, me,my Headship sir, we're utterly sorry---" Fred started.  
  
"We never meant to be too noisy----"Lavender cut in.  
  
"Now, now, that's all right..but we're all here because we signed up for the auditions right?" Professor Dumbledore waved off their explanations with a flick of his hand, " I'm sure we can't ever resist being rowdy once in a while, can we?" he looked pointedly at Fred and George with a twinkle in his eye.  
  
"But now,we must attend to more important matters at hand.Firstly, I shall brief you on the details of this great project, then we shall go about 'brainstorming' as my muggle friend John Lanchester has always said, he's a muggle teacher of course.The final task for today is getting our tasks appointed to people, and then arranging a weekly meeting time for rehearsals.  
  
"I knew that he would do this last week," Lavender whispered to Parvati, who nodded in agreement.  
  
"I hope this is clear to you. Now, there are going to be people assisting you in setting about this..and I want you to know..that everyone in school is open to participation in this," Dumbledore looked about.  
  
"Even the teachers,sir?" someone in the seats asked.Fred and George snigger.  
  
"Even the teachers,"Dumbledore replied, smiling.Fred and George grin maniacally.  
  
"And one last thing, before I leave you to the instructors, I want you to decide on what drama piece you shall be doing.." The students start chattering excitedly at this.  
  
"I want Jane Eyre!" Millicent Bulstrode booms.  
  
"Ha!Fireface is SO much better,"said some other kid.  
  
"You've gotta be kidding, how about Romeo and Juliet?That is sooooo romantic."Lavender swoons.Lots of students start fake-barfing into their hands.  
  
"However, I will restrict them to only, musicals. A full blown classical is too much work," Dumbledore said.Sounds of disappointment arise from the students, " now, your instructors, Patrick and Julie from the Magical Drama Company are here to guide you.Patrick, Julie?" 


	4. Auditions

Disclaimer: Snape and Hogwarts characters definitely do not belong to me, Warner Brothers and JK Rowling own them though.  
  
A/N: The last part of Chapter 3 is really choppy,that was because it was a transition scene. I'll try and make up for it here.The auditions are in chapter 4.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Setting: The Auditorium.  
  
After the meeting, it was decided that the students were going to do a piece called Joseph and the Technicolor Coat, by Andrew Lloyd Webber. According to Patrick and Julie, instructors from the Magical Drama Company, this musical was hugely popular with muggles, and it was derived from a Christian fable.  
  
There were going to be auditions for the lead parts, and that was to be in a few weeks time. There was plenty of time to decide on how they were going to present themselves, and how to win the part. The lead role was of course, Joseph. The main character had to be able to carry his personality well, as Jacob's favourite son, his sadness, and his success with the Egyptian king.  
  
He had to be charasmatic, heroic, and look the part for this character. After Joseph, there were the eleven brothers, the Jacob, then some other secondary characters.And of course the shagadelicious Egyptian pharoah. There were so many things to consider, the costumes, the production managing, the setting,making a drama production was an entirely new aspect for Harry,and boy, was he excited.  
  
"Harry, do you think Fred and George are up to something?They're gone all the time, and its always to see Snape," Ron said thickly, chewing on a mouthful of chicken at dinner.  
  
"Well, I think they may be trying to get revision pointers off him, that's what I do all the time anyway.Besides,Professor Snape's the best person for potions anyway," Hermione said in her would-be know-it-all tone.  
  
"How would you know. You're the one that's half-scared of Snape, you wouldn't go a quarter mile within his range," Ron replied, then hacked, choking on chicken.Harry whacked his back twice.Ron came up for breath.  
  
"Thanks, Harry. Say, isn't that---" Ron pointed weakly. Yes, it was. Snape had just got up from his seat after dinner and was about to leave the Great Hall when Fred and George appeared from nowhere and tailed after him. Percy shook his head, muttering under his breath, "Improper, those two, going after a teacher like that.If I was a teacher, I'd take fifty points.." ___________________________________________________  
  
The day for auditions finally came. Ron was in the same state, clenching and unclenching his hands. Anyone going for auditioning had to stand before the pianist and sing in tune to the melody, which of course was the musical script for the production. Ron wasn't good at singing.Harry only found out about that fact when Ron went up for his turn.  
  
"JOoooooOOOOooo-------seeeeeepph---(Everyone in the auditorium shut their ears at this point---he woz Jake's favorite son------oops sorry-OF OLLLLLL daaaaaa famolie-----jooooooooooosefffffff woz dee specholle won----  
  
The pianist had to endure this for a whole 15 minutes and then decided that,perhaps, singing wasn't Ron's strongest point.Maybe, it was acting. And then, maybe he was wrong.  
  
"Lalala, I'm a daisy in a cornfield(Fred and George snicker, meanwhile, Harry's got his eyes shut. Lalala! Such a pity, Joseph, that you're---erm--- trapped in this----eh---hang on a bit here..HOLE.I'd try to get you out, but I'm-er..too fragile-er..ha, ha, ha," Ron finished off, then smiled weakly.  
  
Patrick put him in the lighting crew.Julie dismissed it as a minor disappointment, the lighting crew was actually the most exciting parts of acting, she said in her chirpy voice, and flicking her blonde hair Harry ended up as one of the brothers, Naphtali, and Fred and George were Judah and Isachar.Seamus Finnigan was Gad, and Dean Thomas, Ruben. The rest of the parts were filled in by people that Harry didn't know. Lavender and Parvati ended up in the make-up and costumes,and somehow, Professor Flitwick in charge of settings. Professor McGonagall turned up to do props. Professor Dumbledore turned up in fascinating costume, with matching staff and shoes,to be Jacob, Joseph's ancient dad.  
  
"Harry, where's Fred?" LeeJordan had turned up to watch the auditions. "No idea, Lee, check backstage," Harry replied.  
  
"I already have, they aren't there, well if you see them----fucking shit."Lee Jordan stared past Harry and at the huge mahogany doors. Frog- marched through the door, with gag in mouth and bondage, was the person that Harry had expected to see least.Snape. 


	5. Trapping Snape

Chapter 5 A/N: I 'm sorry about the last few chapters, they were incredibly short ones.  
  
"He's having tea."  
  
"That slimeball's having tea?I don't believe it!" Fred said incredulously.  
  
"SHH!! He'll hear you!"George tiptoed forward softly...slowly....  
  
"Easy does it,"Fred breathed.  
  
George finally shot him with a stunning spell.The effect was instantaneous. Snape was frozen in midsip with only his eyes darting wildly from side to side.  
  
"Come on, Fred!" George called him forward.  
  
"Now, now, Professor, you're in good hands, no need to worry!" George chuckled gaily and binded him. Reaching into Snape's robes, Fred withdrew Snape's wand. Snape stared at Fred and wiggled. The stunning spell had barely worn out.  
  
Pocketing the wand, Fred leant in close to Snape, "Don't worry, Professor, your wand is quite safe with me."He let out a wicked cackle. Snape's eyes widened , and Snape wriggled from side to side.  
  
"Fred, you're scaring him!"George said. The spell was fully worn off by now, and Snape's panic instincts were fully kicking in.  
  
"GRAAAFFFF!!!!GRAAGHFFF!!(Geroff me!)" Snape struggled against the bonds. Fred and George grinned evilly, with looks of suppressed triumph upon their faces, and EVIL(of course this is Snape's POV)  
  
"Great job, if you ask me, George,"Fred looked at the professor, "haven't felt this good in a couple of years."Snape whimpered and struggled some more, trying to loosed the ropes, but they were too strong. His hair was tangled and messy, and strewn all over his face.  
  
"Ya know, Fred, Professor'll look so much better if he did this-----" George pointedd his wand at snape's hair. It was now a short crewcut and looked really neat.  
  
"But what about color?He's in dire neeeed of it----" Snape's hair was now an emerald green.  
  
"GRAAGGH!!"Snape saw a lock of his hair and shouted in mirth, his voice muffled by the gag.  
  
"Brown--"  
  
"Yellow..eew----"  
  
"Blue---"  
  
"Pink's kinda kinky--"Snape's hair was going through a series of colour.  
  
The twin finally settled on a dark brown short crewcut.  
  
"Gotta get him there soon, George."  
  
"Alright.1 ,2 ,3..Wingardium Leviosa!" Snape was lifted some three feet above the ground, and was floating!  
  
"Bad idea, George. I think he's got wertigo, or whatever those muggles call them.Better do this---"Snape's eyes were binded too.  
  
"Alright then,off we go." Snape whimpered. They finally reached the auditorium in 15 minutes, with Snape bumping his head on low walls.  
  
"George!"  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
They opened the door, and unbound Snape, and looked around. Snape landed with a flump on the floor, coughing.("fifty points from Gryffindor," he moaned weakly)Then he looked up, and looked around, at the auditorium.He was amazed. He was shocked,stunned(not like before of course). He was FLABBERGASTED.  
  
"What ..is this place?"He murmured.(unsnapeylike?)  
  
The twins grinned at each other.Everyone in the hall was staring at them, and then at the newly hair-cut, Snape.  
  
"Fred, George...what did you do.."Harry started, but was silenced by Fred.  
  
Suddenly,the twins were magicked onto the stage, and lights were spotted on them.There was a drumroll! "Presenting---"  
  
"The charismatic---"  
  
"Slimy---"  
  
"Yet so charming, and of excellent acting ability-----" George glared at Fred.  
  
"THE AMAZING!"  
  
"TALENTED!!"  
  
"STAR OF THE SHOW.."  
  
"SEVERUS SNAPE!" The twins grin widely at this point, with the lights now shining brightly at a most bewildered Snape.  
  
Silence fell after this acclamation. 


	6. Teacher's day present

There were a few stunned moments of silence, after the Weasley twins gave their astounding proclamation, some Slytherin girls squealings broke the silence, "Oh my god, Snapeypoo's got a haircut!," the noise started tweaking up, and soon, the entire auditorium was full of hubbub.("Eew, what happened to Snape's hair?" Harry gagged.)  
  
"Now, now, children," Patrick called out over the noise. Snape was still in the midst of recovering fully from the side effects of a Stunning Spell, so he could only make primary body movements, and he was feeling quite disconcerted. The students quietened down somewhat.  
  
"Since we, like, only have time to have, like, one more audition, do, so tell me, do you think this*swoons*----teacher(looks at Snape with admiration)----should just try for it?" The female trainer looked around, nodding her blonde head in sheer excitement.Harry threw up into a basin.  
  
"Why, yes, in fact, that's exactly what we brought our FAVOURITE*grins widely* potions professor here for!" Fred said, popping out of nowhere. Snape was looking very bewildered, and very scared, but the panic streak hadn't struck yet, he had no idea what was happening.  
  
"Well, then, claps hands together let's bring it on!" Patrick-the-drama- instructor beamed. Fred and George smile at each other, and drag the Professor backstage.  
  
"Okay, Professor, all you have to do---"Fred panted from Snape's weight. "Is to sing a few lines---"George hands Snape a piece of paper. "And act out, a little part of the play-----"Fred panted some more. "WAIT." Snape had finally gotten control of his vocal chords, and sounded dangerously close to giving the Weasley twins a school term's worth of detentions, " WHAT have I got to do with all this? I didn't even want to take part in this---"  
  
"Well, you see, Professor-----"Fred tried to explain.  
  
"SILENCE Weasley, both of you are on the verge of receiving suspensions from me, you'd better shut up before-----"Snape spat out venomously.  
  
"I reveal to the world that you have a fetish for (something that I will not write here)?" George snickered.  
  
"How did you kno---"Snape sputtered, his face going the color of rice pudding.  
  
"Oh, just a little poking around your office..and we found some private information that you definitely don't want to reveal." Fred smiled evilly.Snape stared at him openmouthed, and frantically reached into his robes, then remembered that his wand was with Fred.The twins had him where they wanted him.Boy, he'd never felt more trapped in his life.Snape did not like the way things were turning out. He'd never expected to take part in the school's drama night, and here were the crackpot Weasley twins,robbing him of a peaceful teatime and dragging him to this-play. With the addition of the entire cohort of shrilly Slytherin girls screaming 'Snapey- poo!Snapey-poo!We love you!' Circe, he hated it. But the acting stuff, I could get used to it,I guess, he thought.  
  
"Oh my god, can you just totally like visualize? I mean, Professor Snape looks just like Alan Rickman?" One of the Slytherin girls giggled.  
  
"You mean that muggle sweetie He's so hot!!" the group chorus.  
  
"Ok, Fred, at the count of three----"  
  
"Why, are you doing this to me?"Snape wondered out loud.  
  
"Because, you're out favourite potions master!" Fred grins.  
  
"Really?" Snape tried to sound pleased.  
  
"No, not really," George muttered, and got pounded by Fred.  
  
"YES,REALLY!WE ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU!" Fred grins still more widely.George gags in the background.Fred turns around and whacks him up.  
  
"This is in fact, just our Teacher's Day present to you," George moaned out.  
  
"Our favourite potions professor!" Fred finishes.* Balloons and bazookas pop* Snape and the Weasley twins now don cone-shaped birthday hats. They all sing 'Happy Teacher's Day to you" and blow out a teacher's day cake.  
  
"That's enough, we have got to get down to business," Fred says thickly, licking off his cake-covered fingers. Snape looks up from his cake.  
  
" Right. At the count of three, Fred?"  
  
"Yup. 1, 2, 3!"  
  
"JOSEPHUS AND THE TECHNICOLOURUS DREAMCOATALLUS!"They shout. There is a blinding white light, and Snape emerged from the smoke. He was now wearing a Canaan-like costume, but had his hair back.  
  
"Darn, why couldn't do his hair?" Fred moaned.  
  
"Don't complain, Fred. Try singing, Professor," George pointed out the lyrics.  
  
"Right, if it sounds weird, tell me, 'kay?" Snape said. He started belting an Elvis and danced to it, pelvis, hips, and all!  
  
"Good Circe, he can sing!Gimme five, George!" Fred and George slap their cake-covered hands.  
  
"Well, can I sing good?" Snape in his normal voice.  
  
"Yeah! You go for it, Snaper, you'll definitely get the lead!" Fred yelled in excitement.  
  
"You da man, uh-huh, uh-huh," George rapped.  
  
"Snaper?Weird." Snape raised one his bushy eyebrows. His hair was long and greasy, as usual.  
  
Patrick popped his head round the curtains, " Are you ready yet, boys? The girls are clamoring for you!" Snape walked up the stairs.  
  
"Professor, just do what I told ya to do!" Fred yelled, and winked.  
  
"Just shag it, baby!" George called out, moving his hips from side to side.  
  
Professor Severus Snape took a deep breath and stepped out onto the stage, his black shoes clicking on the hard, polished linoleum floor, which was sticky with rosin. The curtains, started to open. 


End file.
